Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
