Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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