Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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