textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
