i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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