addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
