Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
