just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
