Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
