Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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