Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
