I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
