Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
