Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
