I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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