so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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