Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
