Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
