I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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