I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
