I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
