That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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