Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
