Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
