I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
