he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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