the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
