The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
