Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Vodka?
Forever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
