Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
