i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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