Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
