she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
