Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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