I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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