Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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