the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
