ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
