what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
