the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
