I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i need some magic done to my vagina
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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