She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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