I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
