I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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