I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You don't make any sense
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