you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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