i jhust puked up my retainher.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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