I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
