Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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