I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
