Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk is not a location!
I came so hard my ears popped.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
