what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
