i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had sex on a roof
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
