Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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