We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're a waste of cheezeits
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
