sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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