didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
