I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
