If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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