i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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