Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
