Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
