ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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